I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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