Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
