Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
