I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
