I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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