He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found your dick twin last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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