Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
