Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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