he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
