I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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