last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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