found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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