They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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