the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
