Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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