Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
