Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
