it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't deserve a penis
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
