I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
