went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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