I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
