he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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