Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
