i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
