You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
