Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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