What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
