y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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