listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
