I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
