Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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