they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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