i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
