Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
