she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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