Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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