Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
