Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
