I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
