I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
