I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
