Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
