I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
