I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
