My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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