My friends, they love my intelligence
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
