you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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