Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
