He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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