based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
