I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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