She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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