and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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