just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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