hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
