ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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