i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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