I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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