you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
