I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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