Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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