ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
