Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
