he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
