mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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