who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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