Porn is love you can see.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
