your thong is hanging out like whoa
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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