look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
