I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
