So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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