Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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