when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
