the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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