i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
