I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
