Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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