Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
