and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
